the why behind what i say

This video has been circling the internet, and has been all over my Reader the last few days. I was hesitant to watch it, and wanted to wait until I "had time" to process the full meaning. I had a feeling that the slam poet/performer/creators of this video were going to say something along the lines of what I've been feeling about the Church for sometime, but I wasn't quite comfortable enough to hear my thoughts out loud.

I also thought about what I would say on this blog, this creative space on the web, about religion and my faith. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about spirituality here, but I've decided that since this blog and me writing is about being more willing to share myself creatively, then I should go ahead and try to give voice to my thoughts.

Here's the video. Have you seen it?




This video says everything I've been thinking for the last few years.

I grew up in the Christian church, and believe in Jesus. Those are the facts.

I was a youth group kid with a lot of problems, like a lot of us were, and luckily had a lot of support to get me through my awkward teenage years. With my pastors and leaders, I believe I got by and out of those years with a lot more than I might have had I not had church in my life.

But the sad part is, church hurt me a lot. And that has nothing to do with Jesus, but rather the people in the church and the religion we/they subscribe to. We all make mistakes, and we move on and forward. When I got to college and learned more about different Christian traditions as well as different world religions, I started to see my faith separate from religion. I grew to appreciate traditions that were new to me, like Ash Wednesday, and have an internal spar with the traditions and experiences I had growing up that hurt me, like the infamous youth group "shirt test" (holding your hands above your head, if your shirt showed your stomach, you had to change. Girls with big boobs suffered under this rule. Shirts fit us differently, okay?) It's sad that I associate this rule, designed to keep girl's fashion modest, with church. I felt judged for the body I was given more  than loved for the person God made me to be. It seemed backwards.

So around sophomore year of college, I realized that Jesus was separate from religion. That he, the New Testament tells us, hated religion. He spurned the religious leaders of the time, and instead, spent time with the marginalized. As I studied sociology and history, it seemed things were backwards, and I found more spirituality and connection with God by walking in the wilderness and riding my bicycle than I did sitting in the pew on Sunday morning. Prayer came more naturally when I was in a warm vinyasa yoga class, when things were quiet and focused, or when I was on a cold, night walk in the middle of the quad at school and the stars and sea air surrounded me. God is in creation, in my intellect and questions, in my body as I breath and stretch and pray.

Community is important, and we are social beings. Though religion is not something I fancy, a church is vital. A gathering of people in fellowship with one another to talk and study and pray is I think what Jesus wants, inviting others into that group is what I think he wants. Religion tries to impress a lot upon society; intentional or not, it builds it's self up and has the tendency to bring others down in the process. Jesus is about love and acceptance, no matter who you are. And that is what I believe in.